Aku gak paham yah, kenapa kalau sedih malah larinya kesini buat cerita. Aku gak tau harus cerita kesiapa, bingung aja. Kalau cerita ke orang lain apalagi secara langsung, bisa2 tumpah sudah air mata ini. Terlalu takut untuk cerita, jangan tanya kenapa. Just scared hehehehe. I can't sleep ㅠㅡㅠ Today...ah nonohae. Yesterdah and now, i'm feeling so down down down again. Aku kembali menyalahkan diriku atas banyak hal didalam hidupku. Ya Allah maaf aku jarang bersyukur, maaf aku terlalu banyak ngeluhnya daripada bersyukurnya. Lagi-lagi merasa aku menjadi manusia yang selalu salah dan tidak baik karena gak bisa jadi kakak yang baik. Aku merasa bersalah untuk beberapa kelakuan dari kedua adikku. Aku juga merasa bersalah ke mama (step mother) dan papa. Maaf aku gak bisa jadi anak sekaligus kakak yang baik, maaf untuk kalian kecewa. Lagi-lagi aku merasa disalahkan walau secara tidak langsung, dan yap jelas aku merasa kalau memang aku salah hehehe. Maaf karena aku gak bisa merawat papa
I don't know why. But right now... i'm scared. I don't know why, just scared. Scared about anything. Feel so tired. I'm so tired of feeling alone even when i'm not. I just want to quit everything and disappear somewhere where no one knows me. I do everything for myself to feel better, but it's not works. Just want to run away from this place and cry. I want to cry really loudly. I want to make that ugly face cry. Where can i go, where i can be so alone to break down, where no one will ever know it happen. Sometimes i want to explain how i feel, but i don't have the words to explain how i'm feeling. I'm always smiling and trying to make other people laugh, i really love being nice, i love to make people happy. I didn't like when see other people cry or sad, that's why i can't mad or tell the other that my mood it's not good, etc. I'm always smiling and act like everything it's ok. But truthfully i'm really depre